“Problems are puzzles that matter
puzzles are problems that don’t
Which is what and what is which
Is certainly up to your wont.”
Derived after a hard night trying to solve one.
Author: sensiblesmith
A Political Puzzle
This story was written prior and during the election following the departure of P.M. Blair to his oil wells. It endeavours to encompass the enormous amount of QOOp, fed to Smith, the characters delivering it, and the event itself.
”
It was a good day for Sensible Smith. His wife who suffered from Alzheimer’s had had a good night although she had used all except one of the allocation of free napkins and he must remember to pick up the repeat prescription from the chemist on his way home.
Smith usually took a circular route to collect his state pension from the council offices. The faster route took him past some tower blocks and gangs of youths. None of whom had ever threatened him but he always took the less threatening, longer route home via the leafy suburbs once the pension was collected. It was also true that even today the light breeze was inevitably whipped up into fierce gusts as he passed the blocks and his thin coat was not quite protective enough. For the first time Smith was to convert some of his pension to Euros at the currency exchange within the council office.
Smith was only of average intelligence and fearful of errors, on the increasingly complicated income tax forms, he had sensibly invested his army pension into the mandatory annuity and the rest in premium bonds. This month he had won his first prize in ten years .The £250 had allowed him to book a cabin on the overnight ferry to Holland. It was one of their past favourite trips and while his wife still retained a thread of continuity in their conversations he knew this would be their last chance to jointly appreciate the bulb fields. There was also the unspoken thought of euthanasia. As a religious man with views strengthened by experiences suffered during his active service he refused to discuss this with her when she raised it with him but it was a problem to be wrestled with and kept surfacing in his mind…
As he neared the council offices sensible saw his fellow tribesman Sam laying in his usual position in the foyer, near the outlet air duct but still positioned such that council customers or more accurately his “marks” had to deviate or step over him. It had irritated Smith when in the past Sam had been supported by large bales of straw that had originally been installed in the R.H .corner. These had eventually been eaten by a passing animal from the market however leaving a few strands and seeds scurrying in the said corner under the notice board.
Sensible’s reasoning told him that he had a perfect right to step over Sam to collect what was his, and this obstinacy refused to allow him to deviate, so he did step over. In fact he felt no guilt about this since over the years he had developed the habit of dropping Sam a £5 pound on the way out. He justified his “unreasonable” behaviour by arguing that it wasn’t Sam’s fault that he was born lazy or unlucky and he himself had the right to be charitable. They always exchanged greetings or even discussed events in their shared homeland since by now a friendly relationship existed. Today however it was different.
As he stepped over Sam, receiving the usual ribald remark relating to parentage and monetary care, he sensed a shadowy presence in the opposing corner of the entrance porch. The hairs stood up on his neck as a shudder went through his body. He had hurried through the revolving door before he reasoned that he was being silly and it was probably a sudden gust of wind that had caused it all. Any way he collected his pension entitlement, generous state benefit, or whatever the ministry of spin was now calling it, converted the majority into euros and headed back out intending to check the corner and arrive at his usual reasonable conclusion. As he stepped out of the revolving door it happened…
A three-headed monster walked out from the left hand corner!!..
As Smith was to recount afterwards, time and time again, to the boredom of his listeners, the monster exuded an air of normality; of expecting to be perceived as being perfectly acceptable to Sensible Smith. It wasn’t: For a start there was the tail with what looked like a particularly sharp stinger. The middle head definitely there but fading from view its face blurred and changing always pleasing to the eye but alternately wearing bowler or beret. The head to the left was formidable faded as for the centre one but pugilistic with a conically shaped hat that looked as if it would be terrible weapon when used in a head down charge. The one on right however was different.
My god thought Sensible I am actually accepting this apparition as real. It’s less faded than the others and although it fluctuates from a secondary image this was far more faded than the others. He was now beginning to view the primary image dressed in a brown suit as dependable, unlikely to attack, for some reason an old music hall monologue relating to footwear came to mind and reassured him.
Sensible objective view to this unreality abruptly disappeared. The right hand secondary image solidified. Its trunk now encased in striped pullover, its avaricious face masked, it leaped forward and seized smiths notes. Thankful that something else hadn’t been seized, Sensible tried to defuse the situation. “I think I ought to warn you …”
Interrupting Sensible the monster shoved its face ever closer to Smiths. “You are despicable, claiming benefit and having wealth like this “. As the monster pointed at the roll of notes it loosened its grip and a strong gust of wind swept the notes away. This was what sensible had been warning. It had happened to him before; however he was prepared and managed to catch one of the notes as it passed. Immediately the monster snatched it from Smith. “You have a greater need” it said; handing it to Sam with a pleasing and charitable face.
Having no remaining interest in the situation Smith sensibly legged it as fast as arthritis would allow. Once clear of the shadows of the imposing building and foyer fear left him. I suppose it’s only reasonable he rationalized; after all people are worse off than me and I can cash some of my bonds. His respect for Sam went up a notch as the monster received, a perfectly justified, verbal blast. He had to agree.
Sam had no earthly use for a five euro note.
“”
Ernest puzzlers committed to enter the hall on the right should not be too disappointed by the lack of anything of note. After all the notice board might make interesting reading and the only thing in the centre is a revolving door.
Clues for the ultimate crossword are:-
a) What is Smith’s primary concern as he walks home ?
b) What is the right hand apparition’s main preoccupation as it waits in the corner?
c) What is the name of smith’s ancestor’s tribal leader who sold him into slavery in days gone by?
d) Which national connotation relating to the bloodstain on the stinger is of the most long-term importance whilst owning the utmost respect to the others?
Qoop
a)With my celebrity approach strategy in mind I have suppressed the “u”, to ensure some uniqueness, and have defined it as the “irregular noun” type. It will hit the ground running having wide appeal to politicians throughout.
The irregularity is described by the two vowels; Qoop (spin) (case) for example, is where the written piece gives food for thought that is quite unintentional and is pronounced coop with the o’s soft. Intentional spin would be recognised by the more intellectually able or streetwise cryptic members as QOOp and is pronounced like a sarcastic owl.
The two remaining definitions are done below. Should more than 4 versions be required then the refining fonts italic and bold etc. are available as in b.].
It is recognised that French Cryptics may well find that even those refining fonts are too limiting. Further refinements are left to their imagination. Being English it’s beyond mine. Mind you Sensible- (McSmith, O’Smith or even Smith (the post)) may throw in a few.
QOOP (Spin) (case) defines:-
Qoop as where that published does not intentionally contain a hidden purpose or idea. (I.e. innocent spin).
QOop is applied to something published unintentionally containing a hidden purpose or idea when detected by the reader (i.e. spin innocent observed)
This could even be the original writer (Thought for the day LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP refers) or many a reader of Shakespeare perhaps. The innocence does not negate the writers communication skills it merely shows the person to be a spinner “primatif “
QoOp defines spin of any kind wrongly defined to the writer
QOOp defines spin that is blatent in its purpose, quite intentional, and usually evil.
b) Qoop (sex) ( case, italic, bold) giving 8 definitions.
A likely story
This sensible smith episode was inspired by a daily mail journalist berating P M Tony Blair’s natural, or masterly, ability to miss the point of questions fired at him. It was followed later by the revelation of his becoming a catholic after his term as P. M.
“
- At least 2015 years ago Sensible, (riding on the top deck of a no 6 bus riding along Jerusalem high street heard the following between two of the locals.
- Isaiah I ; “did you hear the business with that chap Blair and his stint in the desert?”
- Isaiah 2; “why yes he returned with a barrow load of goods and they stoned him of course.
- Isaiah 1; “terrible business. I can hear his screams even now
- But they were free trade””
“
Alliteration attempts
- More to come next blog
- ALLITERATION ATTEMPT (i)
- Readers will note from the last two words of the introduction that I have become more and more interested in, what my children and grandchildren inform me, is alliteration .This is the first two of these leading to posts or thoughts indicated.
- a) “Realty Reality”
- Leading to Thoughts For The Day 4 to 5.
- b) “Ham y Huevos” (writings and such (Jottings))
- Could be said to be an alliteration of the misplaced. , displaced or even poetical, type since it raises thoughts both translational and international.
- “Idea Onomatopoeia”
- Too much of a bad thing will spring to mind of many a cryptic with any sort of education when considering this one. My only excuse is that it did give rise to some single word stuff in (writings and such (Jottings)) .
- (i) “Pretty Pretentious ” .
- Sensibly mutters Smith in my ear. “Particularly in the saloon bar“
Geographical accuracy
This came to mind when considering the unlikely alliteration “Realty Reality”
The day had not been a good one. The software, written the night before, had led the machine to do things that were inconceivable to Smith the night before but undeniable today. Having had a few drinks he was in maudlin mood, not helped by his spotting within minutes the programming error that had eluded him all day.
Missing wife and family he wonders whether the reason, that this travelling job was done primarily to support them, was really just a pretence to indulge in some sort of Meccano like pastime.
The next day the testing site was closed and as he wandered through Walmart’s he saw, in the record section, a disc; J. Ray’s “Yes I’m the great pretender”. It was a favourite of his wife’s in the past and reflected his previous mood. He had it gift wrapped and sent off home
On arrival home some weeks later; the test successfully completed; he found that the disc had not been met with enthusiasm; quite the reverse in fact. He had not realised that the “B” side contained a version of ”What did Delaware boys”
His unfortunate enquiry’s answer, as to the reception of the said disc, was definitely indicative of the mood engendered by the recipient. In fact the term Texas Tart was included. One might think that this sorry tale ends with ”And The Rest Is History” but no, Smith felt that, under the circumstances, the error geographical was less important than that implied to him, and decided on the “two sides to every story” approach with the possibility of shared humour. After all he thought
“It’s not all about Location”
His Pink Satchel
The concerned mother calls from outside the bus.
No!!
Not one of them
Just one of us.
When formulating this Poem a certain amount of Qoop was brought into play in that originally I had the woman as the driver of the bus turning to shout at the children.
(( LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP? Thought for the Day 3,)) refers.
a) Two Shades of Blue or One Coin Short of a Shilling
This came to mind when considering the unlikely alliteration “realty reality”
Sensible goes back a lifetime to see the comedian mimicking the parent “you stand there with your knickers all torn and say you found the sixpence”. the audience sniggers.
He moves a lifetime ahead and sees the young historian’s review of all three parts
“What a shame a young man’s redemption sold for sexpence” is said with a wry smile.
there’s a thought mutters Smith.
“They’re allowed room for a view”
Brex init or Exit
NO NEED TO SAY WHAT BROUGHT THIS TO MIND.
The gift, (called for by the people and sought for by their, democratically selected leader), is brought back and offered to the mob.
“Can’t say we can accept it.”
“Can’t say we can reject it,”
“Tell you what here’s one of our own”
There’s a thought muttered Smith.
“It will be nicely wrapped up but there’s “one to be wary of”
In more urgent mood perhaps ”another one to be wary of”
Fantasy
THIS WAS BROUUGHT TO MIND WHEN THERE WAS YET ANOTHER DEBATE ATTACKING THE CIGARETTE INDUSTRY WHICH HAD PROVIDED CAREER AND PENSION.
Smith was in the bathroom but had given up his Pavarotti daydream due to the particularly unkind remarks of Jones his neighbour two houses down. Instead he had taken to imagined interviews with the great and the good. They all knew him by name of course and he bathed in the reflected glory.
“I say” he said to the great man “do you dislike Blacks“. Only for a very short time was there any hint of tension before he replied; “Certainly, Sensible old man, almost as much as I dislike Whites”. Smith thought the word “almost” quite Churchillian for the great man to show his humanity in this way. The locals, of course, thought it quite Mandellian
There’s a thought muttered Smith
“Labels are bad for your health”
sensiblesmith 